Leaving My Heart
Way back when, before I had the boys (big and little) I had a career that allowed me to travel all over the United States. Online marketing was just taking off and my company had a very large budget to send me wherever there was a conference to land business. I was able to visit some amazing places. It was at least twice a month I was off in San Francisco, New Orleans, Hawaii, Florida, Chicago; heck there was even a Reno Nevada trip. And there was never a problem jumping on a plane and flying alone. Flying always brought a great adventure.
Fast forward to present day where I now have a husband, two amazing boys and it all adds up to me being afraid to jump on a plane alone.
Today I am getting on a plane to go to the BlogHer conference in San Francisco; alone. I have not been on a plane alone in eight years. I am leaving my heart at home. There are so many emotions going through my head as I type this post. I am excited to experience three days of being "me" that the thought leaves me feeling breathless at moments. I am giddy knowing I have six hours on a plane with just my thoughts, my iPod and book. But my heart. My heart is so heavy. Heavy because I will be experiencing something that is important to me without the most important people in my life around me. I can't come home and share my day, or get kisses because "MOMMYS HOME".
Um, yeah, I know I am missing the big picture right now. Right now I am wallowing in that "I am going to miss my boys something terrible feeling". It is my first big girl trip all by myself since I met Mr. JoggingInCircles. Someone please slap me with the blaring fact that I am going to get the chance to meet some amazing women. Little ol' Lawng Island accent is going to be around some of the most bad ass, creative, talented, fearless writers in the blogosphere today. And I am going to be surrounded by new friends that I have yet to even get to know through their blogs. Excitement is too little of a word to express how star struck I will feel when first walking up to any of these ladies. Their blogs mean something to me. This entire BlogHer, blogging experience means something to me.
I need to share how sad I am that not everyone I love in blogland is able to be there (shout out to Angie, ZoeyJane, Boss, Huckdoll, Karen, Sassy, Mish and more!!) Hell, I have ebayed my ass off (no mom, not literally) to be able to go myself. But I do know that my short career as a blogger makes me know that I want to be a veteran.
So here I am diving head first tomorrow as my plane takes off from New York to San Francisco.
I just wish it did not hurt so much leaving my heart at home.
**I promise to send updates when I can about the BlogHer experience while I am there. And I pinky promise to catch up on all the blogs I have been missing because of how crazy life has been..
Kim
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Reader Comments (20)
Aw... will you be skyping home to the boys? I'm sad that I'm not going this year, but next year, I'm already planning for it. So I will see you there - or else.
Have fun. Unwind. Enjoy. PARTY.
You're just getting a little bit of "mommy alone-time" cold feet. It will be fine. Your boys will be fine. And you are going to have a blast!!!!
I'm so sad now that I couldn't go. *sigh* But, have the best time for all of us who can't be there, ok? And bring back pics!!!!
AWWWW! Hasta manana, baby.
Good luck and have fun. Well....not too much fun...but if you do...BLOG ABOUT IT!!!!
I`d be the same way . . . but . . . you`re going to BlogHer!!!! Lucky you! I`m dying to go, but I can`t even leave the country right now. :( So, enjoy it, blog it and I`ll see you there next year.
Have fun and be careful!!!
Have a wonderful time!
~K
I would feel the same exact way! I used to be in marketing and I used to travel by myself a lot. But quit after my second daughter was born. I haven't traveled by myself on a plane for also about 8 years! I used to love it, but now I know I would be in tears! Although that doesn't keep me from being insanely jealous of all you Blogher attendees! I SO wish I could go......maybe next time?
I completely understand what you're saying. About a year and a half ago, I met a large group of friends in Vegas for the weekend. I was excited about it - had been planning it for months - and I knew it was going to be fun. But I got extremely anxious when I thought about getting on a plane and flying so far away from my family. It was the first time I'd been so far away and gone for so long.
But in the end? I was fine, they were fine and I had a blast. I'm sure the same will be true for you and your brood. Now go have fun! (SO JEALOUS!)
I remember getting on a plane by myself when the boy was 18 months old, but that was for work.
Other than work, though, I have NEVER been on a plane by myself to go anywhere since the kids were born. I never even thought about it... until you posted just now. I think I would be nervous too!
Have so much fun, Kimmy! So wish I could be there too!
Hey lady! Can you email me your mailing addy pretty please? Mwah!
I just came over from Don Mills Diva's place and wanted to say that I instantly liked your blog! I have two boys too (not that rare, I know, but still - it's fun to commiserate, no?)
Anyway, if I were going to BlogHer I would totally understand what you are feeling about leaving your guys. I hope you have a great time despite that fact and I will be back to visit to find out if you did! : )
You'll probably have so much fun at BlogHer that you'll be home before you know it! I know the feeling of leaving the kiddos behind - its heart wrenching but you know they'll be find w/o you! (And that's the sad part!)
Enjoy your time girl, you will have a blast!
Oooh get back quickly and write ALL about it, maybe I'll go next year! Have loads of fun for all the rest of us staying home.
I SOOOO wish I could have gone this year. Boo. I can't wait to meet you!
The first alone trips ARE hard, no doubt about it. You'll come back revived and rejuvenated. Have a great time!
Hope you have a great time!
I'm sure I'd be the same way (except totally drugged since I hate planes). My heart feels heavy boarding a bus to spend 24 hours in NYC. I'm sure once you land, a weight will be lifted. Have a cocktail for me...or 2!
I can totally relate. I used to work in the entertainment industry for a record label (8 years ago) and have jet setted everywhere. It has been forever since I traveled by myself anywhere, especially for a conference. I'm so glad I went and can't wait until next year. I'm glad I bumped into you in the hallway, it was great to meet you in person. Oh, and my family is from Long Island. Westbury, Malverne, West Hempsted and I used to have an uncle in Ronkonkoma, too. Smiles!